Friday, April 2, 2021

Ephesians 5:22-33 Husbands and Wives

I think this is one of the most misunderstood passages in the Bible.

The passage talks about wives first, but I think for teaching purposes in our time it is better to begin with the husband.

Four times in this passage Paul tells the husbands to love their wives.  I don’t think that’s because it’s so hard for them to do that, but it can be hard to convince the wives of that. 

Gary Chapman did an invaluable service to Christians, everyone actually, with his teaching about love languages.  We all have our own love language, how we would like or need love to be expressed to us, but then we tend to show love in that same way, and that may not be how the other person wants or needs love to be expressed.

I suspect this has more to do with men’s tendency to get involved in things, in projects, in work, in causes, and they don’t “nourish and cherish” their partner enough.  (Ephesians 5:29)

Paul’s instructions to wives are a mess in most English Bibles.  I didn’t try to see how many different Bibles do that, but it’s a lot and it’s shameful.

Paul’s instruction to wives comes right out of his teaching about being filled in spirit.  And that section is poorly done as well.

In Ephesians 5:18, Paul tells believers to be filled in spirit.  That’s the literal expression, no interpreting involved.  The word ‘in’ can be translated as ‘in, with, or by.  The word ‘spirit’ can be understood as the Holy Spirit or the human spirit.  The expression in the original Greek is very different from any other time when the Bible speaks of a person being filled with the Holy Spirit, though Luke 4:1 is close when it says that Jesus was full of (the) Holy Spirit.

That command is followed by 5 participles.  Those are verb forms that modify the main verb.  The important or real question is whether these participles describe or define the action of the main verb or are the results of it.

Most Bible teachers, and no, I didn’t check them all, say that these participles tell us the results of being filled with spirit, i.e. the Holy Spirit.  So when a person is filled with the Holy Spirit, they then will speak to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, sing and make melody in their heart to the Lord, give thanks to God always, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. 

The first question then is how can Paul command a believer to be filled with the Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is going to fill us in this way because what?  I had the class in school.  We yield to the Holy Spirit.  And then we have all these things happen to us.  Or that’s how it’s supposed to go.

What happens is that if we don’t produce all these wonderful results, then I guess it’s our fault for not being yielded enough, and Christians start struggling to be more yielded, and a vicious cycle ensues.

My understanding of the passage is that Paul is telling believers to fill their spirits in contrast to drunks who fill their bodies.  And the way we fill our spirits it to speak to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, sing and make melody in our heart to the Lord, give thanks always for all things, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

So what does all this have to do with wives and husbands.

If you have a good Bible translation, the word ‘submit’ in verse 22 should be in italics.  It should be in italics, because it is not there in the original Greek.  It was added by the translators, and it shouldn’t have been.

Read the passage like this:

Ephesians 5:18–23 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is reckless abandon [or, debauchery], but be filled in spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 giving thanks always for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God and the Father; 21 being subject to one another in the fear of Christ, 22 wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Paul loves to have really long sentences, held together by participles, shifting the focus constantly to new subjects. 

Wives being subject to their husbands is a subset of Christians being subject to one another. 

Maybe the best commentary on this is Philippians 2:2-4  2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, having the same love, united in spirit, thinking the one thing, 3 nothing from selfishness or empty thinking, but with humility regarding one another as more important than yourselves; 4 not your own interests each one looking out for, but also the interests of others.  [translation mine, very literal for a reason]

Paul’s injunction to wives is not a separate, special, unique charge, but it is a major part of the Christian life, but it is just more important in a marriage, because, well, you’re living with this other person, and that relationship itself is a picture of Christ Himself and the Church. 

So, wives, Paul, or God, is not asking more from you than he, He, asks of any other believer.  It’s just that it’s needed more right now where you are than in your relationships with other people.

 

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